School versus Work

maiki

11-19-2008 | 01:40 PM EST

Me and bunch of my friends rode on the BART for about two hours to a special high school. All the boys at this high school wore black suits and ties, so it felt more like a formal college. The school was up on a hill, and the view of the ocean over the city beneath was amazing. It reminds me of the view from the Berkeley hills.

All of us were visiting the school to see if we wanted to attend. It was when I was thinking about this in the dream that I realized I couldn't attend. I thought to myself, it doesn't matter if you look older than most students, you will be a senior and only attend one year. However, I then remembered my job and couldn't justify the time it took to commute to the school, and decided I would be supportive of my friends attending (although almost all of the ones with me are a little older than me). I was a little bummed.

We came to the baseball field and there were three male students in suits waiting with equipment. Kenneth from 30 Rock stepped forward from the crowd of friends that was constantly walking around me, and went to play with them. I understood that he was trying to get a scholarship for baseball, and this was his try out to make the team.

He was horrible, constantly throwing the ball over a fence and not hitting or catching anything. It was adorable, of course, as Kenneth is. Then one of the students turned to us and said there was enough equipment for all of us to play. We all stepped forward, but there were too many people to place on the field. The baseball diamond was about twelve feet across, from first base to third base. So, I told everyone to find a position near them and everyone else who didn't get a position would step behind Kenneth and bat.

When it came my turn to bat I was angry at the student pitcher, and I remember thinking about means things to do to him. I decided that I was mad at him because of something he said to me earlier, but when I started visualizing what it had been all of the insults didn't make sense. He cracked on my mom, my clothes, my academic progress. None of them bothered me in the least. But then he said I didn't belong there, that I was too old to be at that school. My vision stopped and I was at bat and suddenly really angry and when I went to hit the ball I had the chance to hit it directly at his chest. At the last moment I hit the ball straight down and walked briskly forward, bumping my shoulder into the pitcher as he ran to get the ball. I thought it was punitive of me to do, but at least I didn't injure him.

I turned around and told all of my friends and the cast of 30 Rock that I was going home. I didn't wait for a reply. As I was walking by I saw a couple of girls and heard one of them talking about their new car. I went up and told them about bicycling, and after a short while there was a small crowd of students surrounding me. I was standing on a milk crate. When I mentioned a particular page on the website for my work I remembered I had to do some work this morning and I woke up.

INTERPRETATIONS

11-19-2008 | 05:22 PM EST

Posted By: Brian T

Interesting dream! I wonder what the school symbolizes, if anything. It's kind of the central theme. And it's up in the hills with a sweeping view. (Perhaps that means it's a lofty destination, real or metaphoric, you've been trying to reach?) Both you and Kenneth (lol about the 30 Rock characters, btw) are outsiders to the school. He's trying to get in, and you're checking it out but knowing you don't belong... Really, this dream is quite rich, and there are all kinds of things to explore, but what do you think about the school? Does it represent something?

11-19-2008 | 05:40 PM EST

Posted By: maiki

I think it is a literal. I was forced to drop-out of high school. But I think that is just the setting, I get the feeling this is about me attending college. I have been to four community colleges, but I never go anywhere with them. I want to go to school, but I don't know how people do it. I feel like I have to work to survive, and I have trouble balancing work and school. Something that I get a lot in my dreams is that I tell people what to do. I am a take-charge type of person. That is why this is a hidden anxiety of mine. I feel naive about not being able to go to college, but everyone around me respects me for what I have done with my life, so I don't feel it is easy to express the desire to go to school. That is hinted at by the anger I suddenly feel: I am up to bat, but for some reason I feel like I am cornered by everyone watching me. And of course I was watching 30 Rock last night. ^_^

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